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Martha Stewart, Barefoot Contessa, and Giada…FUCK YOU!

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Sometimes you just can’t do it all. I came to this realization on Monday night while in the market. I was out purchasing items to make homemade quesadillas. Now this may not seem like the type of experience that calls for the F Bomb against cooking’s top tv stars, but you will see my point later! Just hang in there with me.

As mentioned in previous posts, I am lower middle class. What a lot of people don’t know is that I work two jobs. My day starts at 7:00 AM and I leave my second job at 10:00pm. You do the math. While I love to cook and try new recipes, I am always in a time crunch. I am an extremely busy millennial with a lot to do. So imagine my excitement, dismay, and schedule confusion when I was enlisted to make quesadillas for my team at work. I welcome any chance to show off my basic/intermediate cooking skills but WHERE WOULD I FIND THE TIME?

After leaving my second job, I arrived at Walmart at about 10:20 PM. I marched proudly up all the aisles with the thought, “I am superman. I can work two job, blog, cocktail with friends, and cook homemade items for the workplace.” And faster than a speeding bullet I grabbed my items, said hello to a friend who was shopping too, and headed home to cook.

I sliced, I diced, and warmed the oven. With a busy schedule like mine, prepping and multitasking is essential. So…before jumping in the shower and throwing on pajamas, I got the chicken prepared so it could cook while I washed. Everything was going as planned, and I was on track to be in bed no later than 1:30AM. I had to get up no later than 7:00AM.

Once washed, I put the chicken in the oven and began the wait. I very well couldn’t let the meat cook overnight. That would be too dangerous, and I didn’t have any other tasks to complete while I waited. I grew anxious because I WAS READY TO SLEEP. Working multiple jobs and maintaining a normal life is tough. But so is the life for a lower middle classer like myself.  Then it hit me. Martha Stewart, Ina Garten, and Giada all lied. You can’t do it all alone!

Here I was trying to be the perfect Renaissance man and I was beyond tired. I never like to disappoint on the job or in my personal life but I had to draw the line. I let the chicken cook but when it was done, I didn’t finish making quesadillas. The chicken was packed up in some Tupperware and placed in the fridge for later meals during the week. The world had taken enough of my time and energy and I had reached a breaking point. Superman is for the comics but not for this black man’s reality.

Fat Tuesday Lunch at the job wasn’t going to be canceled and I still was bringing quesadillas. Any smart man or woman has a backup plan. After leaving my full time, I took my black ass to CVS! I went to the grocery section and grabbed about 7 boxes of frozen TGIF Anytime Quesadillas. And I dared the cashier with my cold brown eyes to judge me! I had a feeling she knew that I was supposed to be making homemade quesadillas. Fuck her too…

I dashed home, warmed my largest eye, and let the frozen items defrost in the microwave for a few minutes. After they thawed, I placed them in a skillet with hot coconut oil. Even though they weren’t homemade I wanted to make the bad boys look good. The quesadillas were browned to perfection in a matter of minutes on both sides. But my deception definitely didn’t end there!

I grabbed a baking pan out of the cabinet, sprinkled pita crumbs and crushed pita chips all over the pan. Then carefully, I placed the hot quesadillas on the pan and covered with aluminum foil. It was essential that I make it look real. I might not have cooked this from scratch but my lazy coworkers didn’t have to know.

Long story short, the Fat Tuesday Lunch was a success and every team member raved about my quesadillas. My supervisor even complimented me on the presentation. I just politely smiled and said “Thank you, I love cooking and sharing my recipes with you guys!” I am sure my nose grew about 5 inches.

My point is this, doing it all is fabulous and we all should strive to give 100%. But don’t be fooled, our favorite TV chefs, and cooks have a whole staff to help. And I doubt they work two jobs, and blog. It’s ok to fake it sometimes, because I sure did and no one was the wiser. Luckily my coworkers are in the dark about my blog…hehe!

So a major fuck you to all the people who create the illusion that you can make homemade meals every day, work, have a social life, and a healthy family life. Not all the time, but sometimes…something gotta give. And for the record I love you Martha, Ina, and Giada. Much love.

3FReligion…where Friends, Fashion, and Food Rule!

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